..and I discover that I'm not really that into games at all, just into the sensation that I imagine could come from it. The bitter irony is that I've never gotten that from anything.. yet, here I sit, credit card ready to charge games I can't afford for a system I don't have.

I'm in a place right now where I'm working almost to be able to get to work. I can contribute a tithe.. and that's all the money I seem to have. I don't really have any extra. Like, I can always meet my needs (if I don't spend the money somewhere else) but I don't have room to buy things to, like, develop an interest. Hobby or something.

So what is that? It's unimportant, isn't it? I mean, all my 'hobbies' have ever done is distract me..

So the only conflict going right now is the desire to find what I want in things I can't afford (but think hold worth) warring with what I know is right but find so hard to accept.

It's not like doublethink, really it's not. Doublethink didn't work. I used to use it all the time; it's different than this. It's just totally opposite/different.

There is a world of difference between willful surrender and.. and.

Maybe that's it. I mean, of course; why not? The right answer hidden exactly where everyone else tells you the wrong one lies. When it all comes right down to it, though, you can't really rely on everyone else.. you just have to trust what the Bible itself says, the direct word of God. What other standard should we use? Opinion changes like every day..

So, what does the Bible say?